All Things Being Equal.

Are you seeing this all over Facebook today?  I hope so!

Today in Washington, D.C. the U.S. Supreme Court considered two cases regarding the freedom to marry--Prop 8 proposed in California which would ban gay marriage in the state, and DOMA, the {very} discriminatory Defense of Marriage Act.  There was a rally at 8:30am in D.C., and supporters were encouraged to wear red in support of the cause.

Since I changed my Facebook profile picture to the red equal sign above, I have been thinking a lot about marriage equality.  And, yes, I did wear red today.  I didn't have any red clothing (wait, I do have red jeans...forgot about those), but I accessorized with red, which I was proud to do.  

Maybe it looks a little severe, but I think, overall, it's styling.  It says, "Go marry whoever you want or I will cut you."  And who wouldn't answer to that threat??

I am friends with many gay men.  I have fewer lesbian friends (that I know of).  I seem to attract gay men (in a non-sexual way), and when Tex and I were in school together, we created a sort of doubly-strong gay male magnetism.  It was awesome.

The very first experience I had in which it dawned on me that homosexuality was 'actual,' for lack of a better word, was when I was about 14 or 15.  We were at Rehoboth Beach on vacation, as we were every summer, and there was a t-shirt in a store that said "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."  I thought this was hilarious and started cracking up.  I had no idea what it implied or what it meant, I just thought it was kind of clever, in the way that it's clever when writers use rhyming words.  And this was especially weird now, looking back on it, because Rehoboth is an extremely LGBT-friendly vacation spot...almost a haven, of sorts.

Growing up as a kid in the 80's and 90's, "gay" was no where near as ubiquitous as it is today.  And, in fairness to myself and my fellow Generation Y-ers, kids were less aware of alternative lifestyles back then.  I don't really remember ever seeing gay characters on TV or in a movie, and/or knowing what it meant to be gay, and I certainly couldn't pick up on nuance and suggestion as a child as daftly as I can as an adult who has made nuance and suggestion a veritable 2nd language for herself.  But, I digress.

I don't raise my daughter in a way that is hyper-aware, where I point out a gay couple, or get up on my liberal soapbox incessantly (soapbox would be vintage, though, found at an antique shop--distressed paint job, maybe a faded logo).  But, what I do do is NOT set an example of bigotry and I try so hard to  teach her how to love and show her what matters and what doesn't.

I am not implying that gay marriage doesn't matter, because it does very much.  I don't not care about it.  But who the hell am I to tell someone else who is the way they are, who they can and can't marry?  The older I get, the more difficulty I have understanding why everyone is up in everyone else's business so damn much.

At some point after ER was born in 2010,  I had a very powerful realization.  Quite suddenly, it dawned on me that I didn't care who she married.  I remember very clearly telling Dada this, that my love for her couldn't be qualified by who she chose to love or who, in return, loved her.  She was only a baby when I fully, fully owned this understanding, with (probably) many years ahead of her before she even considered marriage.  Today while I was watching her play, I felt the same reaction when I pictured her marrying a woman and marrying a man.  Doesn't matter.  Love is love, and long may it reign.

"Long Live Love" tee from NODog on Etsy, $24.00